It took eleven episodes of TV or GTFO and not one, but two pretenders to the “king of beach-based crime drama” throne, but we’ve finally decided to tackle the OG, the undisputed champion of the lifeguard detective genre, Baywatch!
On this week’s TV or GTFO, Sachin and Gary review the extremely 1990s “Baywatch on Bikes” series, Pacific Blue. Running from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network (also the home of a similar Baywatch ripoff, Thunder In Paradise), this five-season wonder was retooled more thoroughly than the old Raleigh you’ve had since 1988. Did adding ’90s hunkerino Mario “AC Slater” Lopez increase the quality of this show in any measurable way? Spoiler: No it did not!
Does anyone on this show ever talk or react like a human being? Is there any reason to have a bike unit on a beach when bikes can neither traverse sand nor water? Will TC ever put on a shirt? For the love of Pete, will they ever wrap up a storyline properly? Well grab your helmet, put on your teensy shorts, and hop on your ten-speed for Pacific Blue!
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I have had the pleasure, nay, honor of being able to review the book Hunting Witches by our very own Jeffery X Martin. This “non-vel”, as he calls it, took many months of work, blood, sweat, and alcohol to construct, and it is more than worth the wait since the last installment of the happenings in Elders Keep. The Elders Keep anthology began as a series of short stories, released individually on Amazon, and can now be acquired in the form of Black Friday, which includes the stories that started it all: “Be Sweet,” “Mouth,” and “Candy.” “Mouth” personally had me cringing, which is not easily accomplished from words on a screen or paper. You can bet, I will be giving that book another read just to fit everything together again.
As the poet Aaron Lewis famously said, “it’s been awhile.” But Sachin and Gary are back with the fourth episode of TV or GTFO!
This week, we’ll be talking about one of the most iconic sitcoms ever, the inimitable Full House! Danny Tanner’s stuck with three insufferable children, so he enlists the help of two more insufferable adults while hilarity ensues.
Can Bob Saget contain his terrible potty mouth? Why is Michelle terrible at everything? Which of Stephanie’s bajillion catchphrases will actually stick? Is Uncle Jessie ever going to get a chance to bang a Reno showgirl? Find out on this week’s TV or GTFO!
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