How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Robot

Steve Mann

Although it is perfectly fine for shopkeepers to tape your every move while in the store, even when you have to get the underwear out from you-know-where, they will violently kick out the World’s First Cyborg Steve Mann (or even Tom Green) for pointing out to all of us that we can’t tape them back! Why not just make that secret shopper an R2? What if Steve Mann was dressed more like a robot? Then his taping of everything in the store would be obvious and isn’t that the way of the future? We barely have one cyborg and he is already getting harassed, not unlike all of the other robots that can’t get any respect in a lot of movies!

Have you ever seen a man on the street yell at his child, one who may even have a disability? Or maybe you’ve seen someone yelling at kids who are just looking sad and you think of the cliché “you need a license to drive a car, but anyone can have kids.” How bad would it be if anyone could just go and buy a robot to abuse and then customize its appearance? These men would not only be yelling at their own kids, but perhaps a grandma. Or prejudiced types might make a robot that looks like a person of color. That would be truly terrible, and you would want to kill the poor MinorityBot just to put it out of its misery.

This brings up another point altogether: what about robot idols? What about a Robot God? What then? Would we have a holy war with them, too? That would be the worst, because there would be screws and wires all over the streets and if you stepped on a stripped bit of wire and it had a fairly heavy gauge it could go directly into your foot! Plus, who cares about their God anyway?

Remembering the first day that I saw ASIMO on TV was significant because of how he was able to deal with people. Everyone was excited when he brought the pills from the downstairs kitchen. When the film adaptation of I, Robot was released it sucked so bad that it was a real wake-up call for me. The world is not ready for this! I do want a robot friend, because I think they’re funny and will be cool to have around even if they acquire feelings and get pissed about carrying my shit for me when I have two perfectly good arms of my own. I am actually looking forward to that conflict in my life.

As we have seen, most robots just can’t get along without problems. Therapeutic music might serve a role in integrating robots into our social networks. By playing them soothing sounds in the subway or at work they may feel more at ease if people are being rude or sarcastic, as sarcasm is tough to interpret sometimes and it may seem like you are being a jerk for no reason.

It is also possible that our friends in the entertainment industry, who already enjoy technology so much, could show us some more examples of the good-hearted types of robots that we all love—like Johnny 5, R2, D.A.R.Y.L., or the friendly aliens from Batteries Not Included—and fewer RoboCops and fewer bitching maids from Dr. Snuggles!

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