Waxing Nostalgic Cover Albums: Ozzy Osbourne, Under Cover

By Jeffery X Martin

Ozzy Osbourne has been around since, what, the Dark Ages? Has he ever not been somewhere, skulking around a stage with one hand in the air and one hand on his stomach, like he’s about to do a drunk trick? He has done it all, seen it all, and even if reality television success did spoil Ozzy Osbourne for a while, he still has the respect of musicians and metalheads alike. It’s not a surprise to find three generations of Ozz-heads at a show. He has become transcendent.

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Waxing Nostalgic: An Introduction to Cover Albums

By Jeffery X Martin

There comes a time in every established musical act’s career when they say to themselves, “You know what? We should do an entire album of other people’s songs.” Most of the time, this is the worst possible decision a musician can make, yet these albums keep coming. Why is this? Why do otherwise intelligently managed musical acts decide to make cover albums? As far as I, a reasonably intelligent music outsider, can tell, there are three reasons.

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First Impressions: nine inch nails, “Came Back Haunted”

By Jeffery X Martin

It’s literally like nine inch nails never left, but that’s not necessarily a good thing. For all of Trent’s talk about reforming specifically to reinvent and reinvigorate the amazing band that was, this does not portend well.

For all of its Cronenbergian posturing (“They put something inside of me”), “Came Back Haunted” sounds like an outtake from Year Zero, the nine inch nails album that time forgot. The tune is extremely linear and well in line with any of the latter-day NIN songs you’ve heard while shopping for groceries.

Maybe it is the use of an over-arching major chord that is disingenuous. It could be the fact that nine inch nails fans have been subsisting on a steady diet of How To Destroy Angels as of late. I’m okay with that; I’ve listened to “Ice Age” on an hour long loop before and been perfectly fine with that.

I’m not one of those guys who sits in a coffee shop corner, lamenting about the good old days, stroking it to a club remix of “Closer.” I’ve followed Trent everywhere he’s gone. Even though this new song echoes old, familiar themes of unbelief and strange thought processes altering the physical body, “Came Back Haunted” doesn’t tread the new ground we were promised. It rests firmly in the comfortable KOA Kampground of With Teeth, building a campfire with a Duraflame log, blazing no new territory.

Here’s hoping the rest of the new album, Hesitation Marks, explodes in the orgasm of fury we’ve all been waiting for since the end of “Mr. Self Destruct.”

You can listen to “Come Back Haunted” at antiquiet.

Waxing Nostalgic: METAL MAYHEM! with Spinal Tap, This Is Spinal Tap

By Jeffery X Martin

I’m prepared to catch hell for this, but I believe that no band, and no album, captured the true spirit of the Hair Band era than Spinal Tap. All the excesses, all the tropes, and all the energy and exuberance are captured on their first album, This is Spinal Tap. I also believe they are often overlooked when discussing Eighties Metal when, really, they should be hailed as one of the best examples of the genre.

“But, X . . . ” people say, ” . . . they’re a joke band. It was supposed to be funny.”

Oh, they’re extremely funny. That’s undeniable. But I can’t consider them a “joke” band. All three main members (actors/comedians Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, and Harry Shearer) played their own instruments. I don’t think anyone would have complained if these funny guys had pulled in session players, but they didn’t. They played live. They toured. They showed a genuine appreciation for the genre. Who loves rock and roll more: Guns ‘n’ Roses, with their 20 years between albums and absolute disdain for their audience, or Spinal Tap?

Your heart knows the answer.

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Waxing Nostalgic: METAL MAYHEM! with Iron Maiden

By Jeffery X Martin

Are the Metal Kids still a thing? I don’t know, because I’m not in high school. My son listens to metal, but there are so many different kinds of metal now, I can’t tell what he’s into from week to week. Bands like Aversion’s Crown or Sutekh Hexen with unreadable logos that look like lightning blood and vocals all growls and squeals, like a Deliverance fan convention.

In 1986, I had to take a home economics class. It had the potential to be bad. We were divided into groups of four, all seated at the same table. I was the new wave/punk/goth kid (because you could be all of those things at the same time in the Eighties) and I was placed with the Metal Kids. I was terrified. These were the pothead kids, the ones who got into fights after school, the ones that probably carried switchblades. They also listened to Metallica, a band I had never listened to because their name sound like a terrible factory where babies were crushed into a fine powdery substance called cocaine.

I knew they listened to Metallica because they had the logo copied perfectly onto their Trapper Keepers and notebooks. They also had the Judas Priest logo, transcribed exactly. How did they do that? Were the Metal Kids draftsmen on the side? And why do they all listen to this band called Iron Maiden?

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Waxing Nostalgic: METAL MAYHEM! with Ratt, “Lack of Communication”

By Jeffery X Martin

The second and final time I saw Billy Squier was at, again, the Cincinnati Gardens. He was a giant star by that time, with videos on MTV and albums that smelled like gold and platinum. He looked like a combination of Michael Beck, Michael Paré, and Jim Morrison. Girls noticed this, like they do, propelling Squier to sex symbol status. He used this to his advantage, too, particularly with this video. Ripped T-shirt, crawling around on the floor like some particularly rabid Tennessee Williams character, Squier had it all.

Even though some had relegated Squier to the realm of “girly rock,” I was a true believer, an old-school hardcore fan. When he came back town, I was ready for a good show. He was headlining, which was exciting, because I was ready for more than 45 minutes from one of my favorite musicians.

Squier’s light show was top-notch. His band was tight. Billy seemed a little off, though. The voice quavered a bit. The hands on the guitar neck seemed a little lax. I was confused. I wasn’t sure why the show seemed out of whack when it occurred to me: he didn’t care anymore.

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Waxing Nostalgic: METAL MAYHEM! with Judas Priest, “Hell Bent For Leather”

By Jeffery X Martin

Except for Kelso in that one episode of That ’70s Show, there is no one whose looks cannot be greatly improved by the addition of a leather jacket. Now, I’m not trying to piss off any animal rights groups by saying that. I know there are leather alternatives. I don’t know what animal pleather comes from, though, and vinyl is horrible to have wrapped around your package on a hot Tennessee afternoon. Therefore, it is with leather we remain.

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Music Review: Big Country, The Journey

By Jeffery X Martin

It’s difficult to talk about what the new Big Country album is without talking about what it isn’t. The Journey is the first album from the band in 14 years. It’s also the first studio album since original lead singer/songwriter Stuart Adamson took his own life in a hotel room in Hawaii in December of 2001. Bouncing back from a blow like that is difficult for any band. Look at the shambles INXS became after Michael Hutchence passed out and away.

Fronting Big Country now is Mike Peters, singer/songwriter for The Alarm, well-remembered for Eighties hits like “Sixty-Eight Guns” and “The Stand.” There are similarities between Peters and Adamson as songwriters. Adamson and Peters both created songs of epic scope, real sweepers. Listen to the guitars masquerading as bagpipes on “In a Big Country” and feel the cold grass of Scotland under your feet. Listen to the sweet high guitar trills of “Rain in the Summertime” and you really can almost feel the rain on your face.

Replacing Adamson’s vision with Peters’s panoramic view seems like the perfect match.

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Waxing Nostalgic: METAL MAYHEM! with Dangerous Toys, “Sport’n a Woody”

By Jeffery X Martin

Eighties metal was nothing if not hyper-sexualized, as men who looked like women objectified females as simply holes to be filled. Were they glorifying bisexuality or simply echoing the glam rock stylings of Bryan Ferry and David Bowie? Were any of them smart enough to make that kind of conscious decision? It’s hard to say.

The sight of longhaired bottle-blonde men wearing mascara and codpieces was strange enough. Hearing them spout metaphorical lyrics about their sexual conquests was difficult to take seriously. Who can forget Warrant’s immortal paean to sensual cooking, “Cherry Pie?” Def Leppard wanted ladies to pour some sugar on them, which I never found to be attractive at all. That just sounds messy.

Leave it to a band from Texas to be straightforward about the whole business. There was no make-up to be found on these guys and certainly no beating around the bush (snicker). Dangerous Toys, in the span of one song, both undermined and cemented the comically retarded machismo of the hair metal era.

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Waxing Nostalgic: METAL MAYHEM! with Mötley Crüe, “Looks That Kill”

By Jeffery X Martin

Gather around, children. The following is a true story.

The year was 1983.

The most popular band in the world released the biggest album of their career. It was also, arguably, the worst album of their career. How they went from songs based on famous novels to bad poetry about dinosaurs is still beyond me. At the same time, a little metal band from Los Angeles was making waves by not only cranking out killer riffs, but by painting themselves as Satan-worshipping post-apocalyptic satyrs.

I was thirteen years old, a sweet church-going boy, and I had cleverly squirreled away enough money to purchase both of these albums on cassette. I was far too concerned about the coolness issue involved with these new additions to my musical collection. I had to have Synchronicity because everyone had it. I wanted Shout at the Devil because “Looks that Kill” was stuck in my head, slowly driving me mad.

This was the beginning of the Satanic Panic era. Heavy metal was coming under attack from concerned groups of parents for its sexual content. Religious groups were mortified by the licentiousness in the lyrics and perceived glorification of violence and sexual perversion. Ozzy and Judas Priest would end up going on trial. Frank Zappa would appear before a Senate committee, telling them to keep their white-gloved hands off our rock and roll. They were dark times for heavy music.

I was on the path to becoming a Christian minister.

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