Blu-Ray Review: Island of Death

By Jeffery X Martin

Most people have a movie they only show to certain people, a movie so strange or weird that you would rather everyone not know you like it. In some cases, that movie is a test. The thought process is: if I show you this movie, and you still like me, then we can be friends. If you like me and the movie, then we can get married.

Most of us aren’t hardcore enough to ask our mothers if they want to hang out, get a pizza, and watch Salo next Saturday night. I’m not. But if I had a movie that I would dare someone to watch with me, it’s Island of Death, a Greek exploitation film from 1975, lovingly brought back into the public eye by Arrow Video, who maybe should have thought more about that decision.

Whether they know it or not, when people talk about movies that are “bat-shit” crazy, they’re talking about Island of Death. This movie is depraved nonsense, bordering on psychotic in such a non-arty way, it hovers just above Filipino snuff movies.

This is a recommendation of the highest order, by the way. If you’re my friend, you’ll watch this movie. I hate to resort to lists, so I’ll keep this one small, but I want to give you just a small example of some of the sights, and potential smells, you’ll experience during this movie.

• Gun barrel fellatio.
• Rape of a goat.
• Rape by a goatherd (of a human, not a goat).
• Golden showers.
• Baked brie with raspberry jam filling.

And I haven’t spoiled anything. It gets weirder, pushing itself to a limit you don’t expect to see in a mainstream film. I didn’t even talk about the Most Terrifying Song in the World, which shows up two or three times and is co-written by the director. Once you get to the chorus, which features people screaming, “Get the sword! Get the sword!” it’s too late. The movie will have already sucked your soul into its top menu.

You look for a point in films like this, some kind of point the filmmaker wants to get across so desperately, they would resort to this kind of debauchery and brutality. I’ve watched this movie three times, and I can’t figure it out.

The main character (you know, the one who keeps screwing his sister) is a hardcore Fundamentalist. He is quick to judge other people for their behavior, and considers himself to be the Hand of God, delivering swift holy justice against the sinners on the tiny Greek island of Mykonos. And yet, he is one of the most immoral, disgusting, unpleasant characters in movie history. As played by Bob Belling, this guy is a whinging hunk of self-loathing with a Messiah complex and some incredible creativity with weaponry. Jane Lyle plays his… sister? Wife? Partner in crime? Either way, she takes as much joy in the cleansing of Mykonos as her man does.

The truth is, there is no point, no grand issue, no overriding moral or lesson for the viewer to learn. Writer and director Nico Mastorakis saw The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and said, “I can do that!” And he used the money earned from Island of Death to produce more movies and make television shows. It was nothing more than his get-rich-quick scheme, and yet this movie has a stronghold in the exploitation genre that is hard to rival.

In a strange way, Island of Death is so sick in the head that it creates its own morality. Therein lies the fascination; there’s not a good guy to be found in this movie, and you are forced to take on the wretchedly crazed viewpoints of Belling and Lyle and make the people who hold them your heroes. This movie is a cult leader and you are wearing an ugly henchman jumper.

Arrow has done everything right with this release. The worst thing they could have done was make the video too clean. A movie this sleazy is made for grain and ruffle, and the visual wizards at Arrow cleaned the print up just enough. There are also some amazing special features, including one with Nico Mastorakis walking around Mykonos in the present day, happy and oblivious, like he didn’t do anything to destroy anyone’s perception of Greek island life.

Hell yes, I recommend Island of Death, but not to you. No, not you either.

You.

Yeah, you. You wanna watch a movie with me? Maybe you can be my friend.

Island Of Death was released by Arrow Video and MVD Entertainment Group on May 25.