DVD Review: Dracula Sucks

By Brad Henderson

Today I watched John Holmes’s penis get bitten by a vampire. What did you do today?

In the ‘70s and ‘80s many pornographic filmmakers made pornos with stories. Whether it was action, horror, or comedy, there was usually a genre represented by more story and less sexy time. As a horror enthusiast, I get excited more ways than one when the porno has horror elements and Dracula Sucks has more horror than porno. . . and it is freaking weird.

In 1980, Phillip Marshak directed a film called Cataclysm that didn’t really go anywhere. A few years later it was cut down into a short and put into a horror anthology called Night Train To Terror that horrorphiles will likely remember (review). Marshak was also a porn director before that film as well as afterwards and Dracula Sucks is another entry in his filmography.

Horror directors directing porn is nothing out of the ordinary, but what a lot of people don’t know is how many have actually worked in both genres. Even Wes Craven directed a porno before he dabbled in horror. It’s not often publicized, possibly because the directors don’t want it that way. Some use aliases but it isn’t that hard to find out what they have done in the past since IMDB lists pretty much everything they have touched.

Did I mention this was a Vinegar Syndrome release? Yes. Yes, it is.

This year I feel that I’m becoming a vintage porn connoisseur. Earlier this year I didn’t care too much about vintage porn because I wasn’t that into it. I knew these films had stories but the ones I saw were not good at all, and to be blunt, they were boring. When I stumbled across Vinegar Syndrome, they had a couple of titles I was very interested in seeing: Punk Vacation, The Doll Squad, and The Telephone Book. I requested those titles and along with those releases I received a box full of porn. I was excited, but I was also bummed because I thought to myself “How the hell do I review porn?” Well, I watched a couple and realized these were movies with sex scenes, not the porn that we have shoved in our faces now. These are legitimate films people worked hard on. . . there are so many damn puns in this review.

Dracula Sucks is better than most Dracula films from the past 50 years. I’m saying that because not only is this movie fun, it is also so weird and bizarre that I wanted to know way more about it. This film was originally released as Love At First Bite with all the sex scenes cut out and it wasn’t restored until years later when it was released on VHS. Vinegar Syndrome has put both versions on this release.

Dracula Sucks is basically a spoof but a damn good one that will make you laugh. The dialogue in this film and the direction the film takes are both hilarious. What really got me was how during the first few sex scenes there is a voice over of what sounds like radio broadcasts. The scenarios are outrageous and the actual vampire sequences will have you rolling.

Even though Dracula Sucks is a spoof and a porno, you can’t disregard it. It is well made and looks great (aside from seeing the crew in some shots) and the people that were behind this picture actually took their time to make a decent flick rather than just filming a bunch of people having sex with vampire teeth in their mouths.

Dracula Sucks was released by Vinegar Syndrome on October 7.