The Boozer Reviewer: Marilyn And The Senator

By Brad Henderson

Disclaimer: This review was written under the influence of alcohol. Mind the typos.

As you probably already know, I’m in love with Vinegar Syndrome. Their releases are phenomenal. Along with their genre releases, they specialize in vintage porn . . . a lot of vintage porn. I’ve watched a lot of films from their catalogue but I haven’t delved into their hardcore section because it isn’t my thing. I’m not denying that I watch porn because that would be a total lie. I do watch porn just like every other male and female. (Oh you know you do, shut up.)

Now I have never watched vintage porn from the ’60s and ’70s. I’ve seen short clips and whatnot but have never dived into it. However, I did tonight—right now, actually. I’m writing this review while I watch a vintage hardcore porno called Marilyn and the Senator with my second White Russian in front of me.

Is it unprofessional for me to write while watching the film? Yes, but this is an experience that I want to share while it is happening and explaining what I’m feeling and seeing. *drinks*

First off, I’m 32 minutes and 20 seconds in and there has been one “sex scene” so far. Actually, nothing happened but a whole lot of teasing, kissing, and goofing around. However, a sex scene just started at this very moment and now I need to take another drink because sexy time is blowing up in here. Literally blowing.

“Let me go down on you and then we’ll ball.” I haven’t heard the term “ball” since today. (I’m kidding. I heard my mom say it one time and I flipped out and had very bad images in my head. *drinks* I told my mom that I never ever wanted to hear her say that again. I’ve gone this long without that memory and now I’m having those awful visions all over again.) I’ve never before seen a porno that zooms in and out all the time. “Get me up so I can get in you.” (Line of dialogue I just heard) I just don’t understand the zooming thing because there’s absolutely no need for it at all and it makes it look really weird.

This is a comedy by the way, except I don’t find it funny. Well, the silly-ass dialogue is funny because it is delivered in the worst way possible, but the actual comedic parts are just dry and flat. I wonder (penetration just happened) if they actually thought it was funny or they (the sex is over now) just didn’t care. Did people watch these movies for enjoyment and want to see a regular movie but with hardcore porn involved? I ask that because people really couldn’t get off in the 30-second sex scenes . . . or could they? *drinks*

So our story is about a lady who is in the CIA and wants to get pregnant so she picks a senator to get her knocked up but he can’t perform because she won’t do certain things. Yeah, that’s the plot all right, but did any of these films really have plots back then? “I can f*** a f**, a bad, or a pig, and I can keep it hard for a long time but I can’t f*** with a rubber.” The dialogue in this film is freaking ridiculous and I quite don’t understand it. I can see the crew in the mirror in this scene at the moment so excuse me while I take a drink. *drinks*

This woman is taking two eggs and a banana and performing oral on them and just dropped one of the eggs. Now I’m curious: If she was going to perform such a task why didn’t she hard boil them first before she got all frisky and shit? Also, where the hell do they find the dudes for these films? They are so weird and disgusting. I don’t know how a female would be able to work with it at all. So this guy was just eating a chicken, yes, like a full freaking cooked chicken and his wife is undressing him while he eats like a complete slob. Then he sets the chicken down and sucks his fingers and then he proceeds to go down on his lady friend. Gross. *drinks a lot*

I’m not sure how these sex scenes are working right now because I just saw three money shots in two minutes with the same couple and now I’m confused as to what is happening.

This movie is two hours long?!?!? Holy shit!

I’m going to take a break and come back to it in a few. *drinks*

I’m back and not a whole lot has happened but some weird sex stuff and I think the White Russians are taking a toll on me at this point but I’m going to battle through itIf people are into this stuff I think they would totally dig something like this because it is so damn goofy and silly.

*drink break*

There is basicaly only one dude that has sex during movie and it’s very odd because he is not good looking or anything. I just judged a dude and im completely fine with it because im very secure with m my sexuality and i really hope that this girl gets pregnant because this film would be pointless if she went trough all this trouble and iddnt end up having a baby because she desernces it and babies are the world to people i dont want anymore kids because they are tough to handle and make sureeverything foes as plannted. holy shit she is killing everuone in the movie i dont know what is happening. oh shit the senator is rich and she gets the money which is a terrible idea to do because how do you know you are pregnanty so quick and stuff, it tales a whole for that to happen like a few days oh man it took a tiest at the end. billy margold is on it and now i feel bad because i said he wants good looking

Marilyn and the Senator was released on DVD by Vinegar Syndrome on April 8.