Waxing Nostalgic: Leapy Lee, “Little Arrows”

By Jeffery X Martin

I should probably hold on to this one for Valentine’s Day. That would be the intelligent thing to do. It would be easy click bait. But I, as a Professional Music Journalist, have a responsibility to my readers, and I am here to issue you a warning. I am being very serious.

Cupid is a raving psychotic bastard who wants to kill you.

Leapy Lee says so.

Who is Leapy Lee? He may very well be your savior.

Leapy Lee is a British performer who, back in 1968, presented the world with the shocking revelation that Cupid was a murderous madman. That’s some heavy news! How do you spring that kind of information to the general population? Writing a song seems like a great idea. Make it catchy so it sticks in the listener’s brain, so they’ll really pay attention and understand it. They do that for Public Service Announcements and educational television, right? Hell, the only reason I can count by threes is because of Schoolhouse Rock.

“There’s a boy, a little boy, shooting arrows in the blue/And he’s aiming them at someone, but the question is, at who?”

You should be terrified already. Imagine if this were your neighborhood. A mall. A public park. Why has no one tackled this Latin lunatic yet and told him he’s not Daryl Dixon?

“Here they come pouring out of the blue/Little arrows for me and for you.”

In other words, take shelter. Get inside. This is starting to sound like a battle scene from 300. Cupid wants to blot out the sun! Why would he do that? He seems so nice! Tonight, we’ll give each other pink teddy bears . . . in HELL!

I am telling you all this so you have time to prepare. I am telling you this because I want you to live.

I am telling you this because I care.

You may think “Little Arrows” is simply a one-hit wonder, something bordering on a novelty song with no pedigree behind it. It was, however, co-written by the venerable Albert Hammond, noted for his hit single, “It Never Rains in Southern California,” and for siring Albert Hammond, Jr. of The Strokes. You trust the guy who’s the dad of that guy from The Strokes, right?

If after all that you still believe you’re safe, let me offer you one more lyric from the song that may change your mind.

“And some folks put on armor/But the arrows go straight through.”

That’s right: Cupid has hollow-point arrows.

Get ready now. Make preparations. The Day of Reckoning will soon be upon us all.

Listen to “Little Arrows” and other prophecies of doom on the Waxing Nostalgic playlist on Spotify! It’s full of music!