Waxing Nostalgic: Joe Jackson, “Real Men”

By Jeffery X Martin

Before the term “body modification” entered our vernacular, getting your ear pierced was a huge deal, if you were male. There were strange superstitions surrounding the process. If you got your left ear pierced, you were gay. A right ear piercing meant you were still straight. Get both ears pierced and you were Adam Ant.

You know, I may have all that wrong. These were unwritten rules, vague and probably regional.

I didn’t think it was gay, although a lot of people I knew did. Most of my musical heroes at the time had pierced ears. John Taylor. Robert Smith. Androgynous men, perhaps, but I knew for a fact John Taylor was not wanting for female companionship. An earring couldn’t hurt, I thought. Might help.

Definitions are pesky and, sometimes, wildly arbitrary. For example: people consider Joe Jackson to be an “Eighties musician.” He didn’t fit that definition during the Eighties! Even in his early, angry, more guitar driven work, he was more Elvis Costello than Brian Setzer. When his piano playing came to the forefront, he was even more out of step. Urbane, metropolitan and thought-provoking, Jackson made being born at the wrong time a cornerstone of his career.

“Real Men,” from the album Night and Day, tackles the concept of masculinity. Something that highbrow isn’t typical fodder for a Top Forty single; according to Wikipedia, the song failed to make the charts anywhere but Holland. MTV loved the hell out of it, though, and the ’50s themed video hit moderate rotation, at the very least.

Jackson doesn’t flinch. He attacks all the trappings and tropes of male sexuality. “Sure, they’re all straight/Straight as a line/All the gays are macho/Can’t you see the leather shine?”

He takes it even further: “Don’t call me a faggot now/Unless you are a friend.”

Jackson is taking a risk here, and inviting the listener into The Secret World of Boys. Having been there, I can say it’s an odd place. I’m no Men’s Rights Advocate, far from it. Being male is weird, though. So much mistrust, not just from the opposite sex, but from each other. Weird territorial behaviors we can’t explain or justify. Shave it, don’t shave it . . . who knows?

There are no easy answers, especially when no one is quite sure what the questions are. The best Jackson can leave us with is a warning: “If there’s war between the sexes, then there’ll be no people left.”

I didn’t get my ear pierced until I was in my mid-twenties. In fact, I did it twice. Making up for lost time, I suppose. No one said a word about it. I didn’t get threatened with violence. My sexuality was never questioned. Progress, I suppose. The underlying issues remain, though, on every side. Sexuality is a complex issue (says the straight white guy). Maybe we don’t have to figure every little aspect of it. Perhaps we could just be okay with ourselves and each other. That’s the hope, anyway, and here’s to the future.

Listen to “Real Men” by Joe Jackson, and the Tori Amos cover version, on the Waxing Nostalgic playlist, only on Spotify!