The Remakening: Movies That Should Be Remade
Published on March 30th, 2010 in: Movies, Retrovirus |
Girls Just Want To Have Fun, 1985
The original starred Sarah Jessica Parker, Helen Hunt, and Shannen Doherty in early roles. The plot revolved around a dance contest, courtesy of Dance TV. Parker’s schoolgirl character, Janet, will do anything to win, including lying to her folks about her whereabouts. In the end, she gets her wish in a big, ’80s-style dance number. While I think the original is fine on its own, it’s a little dated with the aforementioned ’80s style. With the popularity of shows such as So You Think You Can Dance? this movie deserves a 2010s-era makeover. Have a modern soundtrack with the likes of Lady Gaga. Have a cameo by SYTYCD‘s Mary Martin. As for the plot, keep it similar, down to the dance partner/love interest, played by Robert Pattinson of Twilight. (Hey, he gets asses in the seats!) The original may be dated, but the plot is still relevant.
—Laura L.
The Heroic Trio, 1993
A big bag of slam-bang Hong Kong ass-kicking action with a glossy, sexy, gothy-dark tone, this picture is well-loved by devotees of HK action films but actually might not be ruined by an American remake. Starring three of the most luminescent HK movie stars ever—Michelle Yeoh, Maggie Cheung, and the underrated Anita Mui—this story of a trio of crime-fighting superchicks in disguise, trying to keep their identities secret and hidden from boyfriends, parents, employers, and of course the bad guys, delivers delightfully extreme action, startling plot twists, and a solid dose of emotional involvement (and real feminism) along with its leather catsuits and revving motorcycles. I can see the Trio as Hayden Panettiere, Eliza Dushku, and Zoe Saldana, with Neil Patrick Harris as their nemesis, the Evil Master. It perfectly straddles the line between impossibly corny and completely fabulous.
—Jemiah Jefferson
Hellzapoppin!, 1941
I would like to see Rob Zombie direct this through Disney! Every reality show idiot should get cameos, plus old movie stars mixed with new tabloid mongers and comedians. . . and John Waters should write the script.
—Howie Pyro
“My hair can’t hear you; your eyebrows are too loud.”
Labyrinth, 1986
“Where everything seems possible and nothing is as it seems.”
Listen man, this movie had David Bowie in it. . . DAVID F*#$ING BOWIE!
Did you even see his hair? Man, that was some sweet ass hair. Those dance scenes! Those characters!
But really, though. The movie was a huge hit in 1986 and Jim Henson, creator of the Muppets, was the director.
I just want to say though; it should be remade as an ANIMATED movie. No living person can recreate that awesome hair. Also, if done by an amazing company in the good old Disney format, you could really make the musical parts shine.
Also, Jennifer Connelly was in it! Good for some “dat ass” star power. You could get her and Bowie to do the voices for the new one!
So there is your winner. No, no, no need to thank me. Just make sure I get a cut of the profits!
—Peter Rebelo
10 Responses to “The Remakening: Movies That Should Be Remade”
March 30th, 2010 at 10:28 pm
I REALLY wanna see _The Monitors_. That is a GREAT idea for a film. Is the book any good?
Also: I ALMOST did _Giants and Toys_, becuase I remember watching it and wanting to remake it as a bit more biting satire — but I didn’t write anything up because I can’t remember any particulars, and I didn’t wanna re-watch it, heh. But trust me — they should remake Giants and Toys and totally do something with it! I don’t remember exactly what, but SOMETHING!
March 31st, 2010 at 2:33 am
I’ve been looking for a copy of “The Monitors” for years. I think there are some dubious-sourced versions available on some of those crazy underground cult movie DVD websites. Susan Oliver is great in it (best known as Vina, the crash survivor and part-time green Orion slave girl from the 1964 Star Trek pilot). I have never been able to get a copy of the book.
“The Leech Woman” sounds great! And I agree “Labyrinth” is in dire need of an overhaul. Make it even cheesier…cast Davey Havok.
I love “Hellzapoppin'”! Olsen and Johnson were brilliant…deranged, sure, but brilliant. All these suggestions are great…so much so that they spurred me to think of four made-in-the-80s runner-ups:
“Night Of The Comet”–such a good movie, and personally I wouldn’t touch a frame, but a remake would do massive box office.
“Modern Girls” (great ill-fated party-girls-night-out movie starring Virginia Madsen, Clayton Rohner and…um, Daphne Zuniga? A total mess but very fun. I love you, Bruno X!)
“Electric Dreams”–Madsen again, matched with dreamy nerd Lenny Von Dohlen and a drunken, obsessively lovestruck, possibly psychotic AI computer voiced by Bud Cort…great casting, great concept, but the execution plays like a long-form MTV video for Toto.
“Slam Dance”–the terrific Tom Hulce, Madsen, and I kid you not, an evil Adam Ant in a neon-LA noir that could have been so good (but so isn’t). In fact let’s just go ahead and remake all Virginia Madsen movies. She can still be in ’em, she looks great and still does great work, but some cohesive stories and direction would be a big help.
March 31st, 2010 at 12:49 pm
I’m down with an animated Labryinth remake – but Bowie has to do the voice of Jareth. NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT.
March 31st, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Not even Jemaine Clement doing his Bowie impersonation? HAHA!
LLM
March 31st, 2010 at 1:57 pm
Oh, and Kit: I have seen “Slam Dance” and I remember HATING it, but that was a long time ago.
I would be happy if “Night of the Comet” were available on DVD; it’s been far too long since I’ve even seen it.
LLM
March 31st, 2010 at 3:44 pm
Hey Christian — I’m down! If you can scare up about $200,000 it’s totally doable! And Dave Markey should most definitely start casting the remake of Bummer Now! And yeah Mary Harron could kick ass on Leech Woman!
“Star Wars, that Allison Anders movie”…I like the sound of it!
March 31st, 2010 at 7:03 pm
Allison, I am working on the $200000 currently by trying to find work 😉 I’ll keep you posted…
Kit, YES SLAM DANCE. The original was so dark, I loved it.
Peter – there’s a manga Labyrinth series, and the look is perfect. I’d like to see an anime Labyrinth. But yes, only if Bowie does the voice of Jareth.
March 31st, 2010 at 7:06 pm
Whoa, Peter is a huge anime fan. I think this needs to happen stat!!
LLM
April 9th, 2010 at 10:03 am
IT DOESN’T EVEN HAVE TO BE IN SPACE.<<<– genius!!
April 27th, 2013 at 2:32 pm
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