Tatt-screwed! Top Five Wanna-Be Scary Tattoos

By Ann Clarke

A few weeks back, I was out at dinner, and some guy walked by sporting a rather alarming tattoo on his arm. . . in blood-dripping scrawl, it read “Junkie.” My partner and I laughed to ourselves. We got in the car, and it got me thinking of other bad tattoos I’ve seen on various people who have passed my way.

I then remembered the time when I was a kid waiting in line at Zayre’s with my dad. . . standing in front of us was this really rough-looking woman who had bleach-burned hair with black-roots, hairy legs, smelled like cigarettes, and was wearing a white plastic mini skirt, cropped tank-top (she was not wearing a bra), and ratty looking pumps. Like I said, rough-looking! Oh, but the star upon this Christmas Tree was the tattoo on her hand! It was a crude, inky rendering that had turned green with her aging and tanned, sagging skin. . . it wasn’t an image, but a sentence. . . it said “Born To Fuck!” (Yes, this is a very true story). I reiterated this story to my partner, and we laughed hysterically.

GG Allin in all his Scattoo glory.

I was then reminded of various GG Allin tattoos, and how obnoxious they were. . . and then that triggered a thought about some slob I saw wandering about at one of those summer outdoor RAWK festivals that I had attended years ago. . . he was shirtless, sweaty, hairy and fat. . . drunk, too!

He had probably the one of the most jaw-dropping tattoos I’d ever seen. It started at his Adam’s Apple and went all the way to his crotch. . . and it was a giant vagina! It had that cheesy airbrushed look to it, and it was blue, purple, and pink! I had to do a double take! I was hoping to forget that image . . . but “Mr. Junkie” started to put my mind into overdrive.

“Mr. Junkie” was my catalyst to wasting several hours of my life, scouring the Web for the most offensive tattoos I could find, but in the interim. . . I started to notice a trend that was more offensive than a giant vagina. . . and that is, absolutely horribly rendered illustrations that are now permanently embedded in someone’s skin (until death, or until they come up with the money to pay for laser removal, which doesn’t even work that well anyway!). I don’t just mean a tattoo with bad taste, but more of the lack of talent the tattoo artist had!

This also led to me inventing a word for this eyesore of a phenomenon. . . and that word is SCATTOO.

Scattoo (n): a combination of the words “Scary,” “Scar,” and “Tattoo.”, Luckily the word “Scat” also emerged from this hybrid, which is another word for Fecal Matter. (“Shit”. . . for the vulgar lay-person!)

Now that I cleared up that up. . . and since Halloween is right around the corner, I wanted to write an article about things that are intended to be scary, but the only thing scary that came to mind was how some of these horrendous tattoos I came across on the Web are supposed to evoke a sort of menacing quality. Their intent was to have an intimidating or scary stance, but the only thing scary about them is that some poor bastard is now scarred for life with a shitty tattoo!

What I am focusing on here is basically this. . . I will present photographic evidence of the Five Absolute WORST Tattoos that have been documented on the Web. a.k.a., the worst Scattoos out there!

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