Buzz Aldrin, Magnificent Desolation

Hey ladies. . . my other car
is a spaceship, bitches.

The most mystifying parts of the book are when Buzz discusses, at various times, his feelings of envy involving other astronauts in the space program. Buzz insists strongly and repeatedly that he is not envious of the fact that Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. Buzz also claims that Apollo 8 astronaut Frank Borman was envious of him to the point where he barred Buzz from accessing information about his airline company. My attitude is that if you insist, “NO, I AM NOT ENVIOUS!” or “NO, HE WAS ENVIOUS OF ME!” then you are clearly an envious person.

Given Buzz’s insistence that he was somewhat of a “playboy” when he was a swinging, middle-aged single man, I would’ve figured he would have been the most envious of Apollo 13 astronaut Jack Swigert. NASA legend has it that Swigert had the most success with the ladies out of anyone in the astronaut corps. I also bet his pickup lines were 10,000 times better and smoother than Buzz Aldrin’s. Buzz probably tried to woo an unsuspecting chick with a long-ass, boring lecture about orbital rendezvous, while Swigert just eyed the ladies at the club while drinking his gin and tonic and said, “Hey ladies, I fly a fucking spaceship. You know you want to come back to my apartment.” Done deal.

But enough conjecture about the late, great Jack Swigert and his allegedly spectacular pickup lines. Buzz Aldrin’s Magnificent Desolation is an amusing read, sometimes for all the wrong reasons. The best parts of this memoir emerged when Buzz simply discussed his technical interests and, of course, the Apollo 11 mission. While I respect Buzz’s decision to discuss his alcoholism and mental health issues, it is abundantly clear that he has missed several important truths about his time in NASA and about what it means to be selfless. He virtually never discusses his kids, or his first wife (who happened to give birth to his kids), which I found kind of sad and strange. I guess being an astronaut is much crazier and self-involved than it seems.

To Buzz:
Best wishes, I HATE YOU.
—Gene Cernan

If you dig astronaut memoirs (as I do), another book to read is Last Man on the Moon by Apollo 17 astronaut Eugene Cernan (who also happened to be the last man on the moon! What a creative title). Cernan’s book gives more insight into the Apollo program than Magnificent Desolation, and also discusses some of the backbiting attitudes among the Apollo astronauts. Apparently Cernan was no fan of Buzz Aldrin; his portrait of the man evokes much laughter and concern for Aldrin’s sanity and objectivity. . . at least Cernan is gentlemanly enough to admit that competitiveness and envy existed among the astronaut corps.

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