Top Five Ideas For Life After The Swineflu Apocalypse (As Gleaned From ’80s Music Videos)

By Hanna

1. In the future, David Bowie will flirt with black men and we will do experimental dance. ALL DAY.

David Bowie, “Time Will Crawl” (1987)

2. We will be gay space cowboys who wear too much rouge and also colored PVC.

Adam Ant, “Apollo 9” (1985)

Then we’ll all move to a new earth built in the sky! And have buttons that activate Marco.

3. We will live in homo-erotic gangs based on the color of our Doctor Martens and get ambushed by rival gangs of little boys.

King, “Love And Pride” (1984)

4. The future: it’s all about blocky computer graphics, Mike Oldfield wearing a yellow vest while emoting in front of fireworks, and Aled Jones and Anita Hegerland floating in space.

Mike Oldfield, “Pictures In The Dark” (1985)

5. In the future, everyone will live on paper rubbish tips.

The Police, “Synchronicity II” (1983)

And Sting will have no eyebrows left.