Top Five Cover Versions That Will Never Happen

By Less Lee Moore

5. INXS, “Some Kind Of Wonderful” by Grand Funk Railroad

I grew weary of the Hutchence/Geldof/Yates love triangle drama in the ’90s, so I wasn’t completely shocked by Michael Hutchence’s death. But when the remaining band members subsequently devised a reality show to find a new lead singer, I was offended on behalf of Hutchence as well as my own ’80s INXS fandom. His voice was sensual and bluesy, yet perfectly poised for pop songs. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until he was gone. Which is why the fact that he’ll never be able to cover “Some Kind Of Wonderful” (or sing and perform ever again, for that matter). makes me so very sad. In addition, INXS was one of the rare bands who utilized saxophone judiciously rather than embarrassingly and that would have been a great asset in a reimagining of this song.

4. Sparks, “Sheer Heart Attack” by Queen

Having heard (and loved) dozens of Queen songs, I always thought “Sheer Heart Attack” was a bit quirky, or at least quirky for a band who wrote songs in styles ranging from hard rock to ballads to blues. There’s just something unique about the heavy percussion and the punful singing of the word “inarticulate” that makes me think of Ron and Russell Mael. Of course, knowing the history of Sparks and Queen, there is as much chance of the Maels covering it as there is of John Deacon coming out of musical retirement. But in my world, the Propaganda-era version of Sparks would have done wonders with it.

3. Redd Kross, “Rip Off” by T. Rex

I sent a corny fan letter to Redd Kross in the early ’90s requesting that they tackle this, one of my fave tunes by T. Rex. I don’t know if they read it or not, but I am outing myself now in the hopes that they might take pity on me and cover it. My only caveat is that Steve McDonald provide the vocals. In the interim between that fan letter and now, I’ve heard The Steve McDonald Group cover Kim Fowley’s “Motorboat,” so I have even higher expectations of what a Redd Kross cover of this T. Rex tune would be like.

2. JG Thirlwell, “Hot And Nasty” by Black Oak Arkansas

Although I knew of the legend of Black Oak Arkansas, I had never actually heard them until a road trip to Austin, TX in the summer of 2001. Southern rock ‘n raunch stylings aside, the gravelly, dirty vocals of Jim Dandy in “Hot And Nasty” evoked memories of the first time I heard “Bedrock” or “The Fudge Punch.” I am in no way implying that Slim Jim Thirlwell borrowed from Big Jim Dandy; JG’s vocals are superior to Dandy’s in every way (and he’s aged very well, unlike poor Mr. Fancy himself). However, few singers can weld together sleaze and sophistication as skillfully as JGT can and I’d love to hear him push this tune to its limits and beyond.

1. Imperial Drag, “Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You” by Sugarloaf

Fate was not kind to Imperial Drag as they broke up after one album and precious few live shows. But history has cast less cruel eyes (and ears) upon them; the songs sound as vibrant now as they did in the 90s. Granted, the members of the band are still making music but it’s doubtful they’d reform after 13 years just to rehearse and record “Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You” for one silly, hopeful fan. However. . . can’t you just hear it? Roger Manning’s groovy keyboards, Eric Dover’s sarcastic, sleazy vocals, stolen Beatles riffs. . . If anyone could cover this song and do it justice, it would be Imperial Drag. Hint, hint.

RELATED LINKS:

Do It Again: Cover Versions Which Should Happen, Popshifter March/April 2009 issue