What’s Inside a (Super Fan) Girl?

During this time, I also heard about the legendary Legion Of The Cramped (LOTC) fan club and fanzine, and was most excited to discover that Morrissey had been a founding member. No wonder I had always loved The Smiths! Knowing The Cramps were incredibly private made them ever more mysterious to me.

When I read how Ivy had sent a lengthy handwritten cease and desist letter to LOTC (#7, Final Issue) asking them to stop publishing the ‘zine and covering their every move and breath, I just knew it was because they did need the quiet from the madding crowds. They were Vampires who could barely exist on this plane with us measly humans. To Lindsay Hutton, the driving force behind LOTC, Ivy stated:

“We are grateful and appreciate your intense enthusiasm and energy. But even though you are a loyal fan, you don’t know us well, even though you think that you do. The Fan Club has become an entity of its own which had little to do with what we feel The Cramps are all about. The Cramps are about many things which shouldn’t be pinned down or defined. We hope we are different things to different people.”

Even though I was a rabid fan, that reverberated with me. Now I knew I could be as much of a Super Fan as I liked, I should just leave their personal lives out of it! And so I did.

It seemed eons passed until the Cramps toured again. They had put out Rockinandreelininaucklandnewzealand and Stay Sick, which naturally, I devoured like manna from Heaven. I was starting to wear leather and rubber, corsets and boots, searching for the cruelest and highest heels I could find. I don’t know if I was emulating them, or simply worshipping them in the only way I knew how. I worked for nearly three years at my local video store and soon was privileged enough to choose the movies we purchased. Many times I was allowed to order something campy or odd that fed my constant need for a Cramps fix. That was a lucky turn, having free B- and horror movies to take home after work. While I fed my head with materials beloved by the Cramps, I waited and waited for them to come back to Cincinnati.

Photo © Ian Dickson/Rex Features

Finally, they came back on the Look Mom No Head! tour. I was around 17 by then and able to start what would eventually become my pattern, i.e., roadtripping to as many venues as possible to see them. During that tour, I think I hit Cincinnati, Columbus, and Indianapolis. I would drive as many miles as I could afford gas for and see as many shows I could get days off work for. I would even fly to other states when they weren’t going to hit the Midwest. I was not going to miss anything! And man, how that shaped me. As anyone who has ever seen the Cramps live knows, every show is LEGEND. The stage antics of Lux would drive me into delirium. The Cramps simply did not DO a bad show; they came out and slaughtered any venue in any city.

I was always at the front of the crowd, smashed up against the stage. The stage antics of Lux would drive me into delirium. I wanted to be there when he was looking to suck someone’s fingers, take their hat and wear it, share wine, strip naked, and (especially) deep throat the mic from on top of the stacks. When he would do this, I would go into a zone that is probably familiar to Pentecostals when snake handling: nothing could have touched me besides Lux’s guttural groanings. I was there only to receive these blessings from him.

Pages: 1 2 3