How Long Until We Have Smell-O-Vision?

Photo from Flea Market Funk

Record Shows

Who hasn’t gone to a record show and experienced the geeky glee mixed with the nausea associated with imbibing vast amounts of dust? Jeez, those tent sales stank to high heaven, like a “Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road.” I can remember gearing up the whole week with copious amounts of Benadryl and positive thinking. But neither ever worked. There was also residual irritation from the amateurs who didn’t understand browsing etiquette. Record shows made me sick—literally. But there was also the non tangible smell of victory—which was why any hard core music geek puts themselves through these irritating trials. The dust mites were having some sort of buffet and pooping up a dust storm. Each show was a veritable Mold-A-Rama of its own. Some of the records would be stuck to themselves with what looked like collateral flood damage. (One hopes that is what it was.) I can remember having to exit the tent periodically to get some much needed fresh air along with other refugees.

Under the Big Top

There are a lot of smells associated with the circus. Not the least of all being popcorn, and the oddly strong and unmistakable scent of those unnaturally red and shiny sweaty hot dogs spinning for lord knows how many days on those portable mini spit roasters. There is also the sticky sweet cotton candy smell, and the artificial grape snow cone syrup smell. When I smell a snow cone I think about the time my family went to a water show and saw a streaker. Ahh, the seventies. But more than the food, I have another family fun scent lodged in my brain forever.

When I was a kid, I had a trigger finger on my gag reflex at any given moment. One time at the Barnum and Bailey circus, I exclaimed to my Mom, “I can taste the elephants’ smell.” And I promptly puked in her purse. It may not have been a good day at the circus, or for my Mom’s purse, but it certainly made for a vivid and lasting memory. Whenever I smell animals or their associated smells, that ole big top comes to mind.

Mold-A-Rama

Speaking of animals: I recently ran across a Mold-A-Rama machine at a conservation park. It must have been recently used, because even though I hadn’t smelled one in years, there was no mistaking the pungent odor of cheap melted plastic. It was never a case of the ends justifying the means with that machine. How much fun was a molded bear after all? The gift shop certainly had nicer toys, but there was something magical about that Mold-A-Rama.

Photo © Jim Rees

ODORAMA

Similar in name to the Mold-A-Rama was ODORAMA. When the film Polyester was released, John Waters issued “Odorama” cards for each ticket holder. It was a genius gimmick, and the film’s main character (Francine Fishpaw) had a ferocious sense of smell, which was worked into the plot to accommodate the cards. Each card had ten pink scented circles, numbered in black, one through ten. The smells varied, and I don’t want to spoil all of them in case you plan on holding a screening, but let’s just say one of them sure did smell like shit. At specific points in the plot, a number correlating with a sticker flashed on the screen thus enhancing the film audience experience with real live Smell-O-Vision. His films may have been turned into more family friendly musicals, but one thing is certain: John Waters knows how to entertain the senses.

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