Commanding Cobra: An Interview With Cobra Commander

Interviewed by Megashaun

After recently finding a blog written by Cobra Commander in which he laments many of his boring day-to-day activities, I thought he would make an interesting interview subject. Getting in touch with him wasn’t as easy as I had hoped. The email address listed on his blog seemed to be to an unattended mailbox. My first attempt at communication with him went something like this:

Hail Cobra Commander!

I’m a writer for Popshifter and was wondering if you would like to do an interview for an upcoming issue. It can be over email or telephone (the latter preferred). Please let me know if you’d be up for this and if so, what date/time would be good for you.

Thanks,

Megashaun

Weeks passed before I received his response, a simple one-word, all-caps reply: FINE!

He didn’t even include my original email in the reply, so I had to look that up in my sent items folder to make sure he was in fact agreeing to talk to me. Imagine that—Cobra Commander agreeing to talk to me. I must admit I was really nervous about the chance to interview a childhood hero of mine. What would I possibly be able to ask him that he wouldn’t have already heard? Would I get to talk to him over the phone? These questions only made me more nervous.

I replied to the email asking him what time he would want to do the interview, and again mentioned that over the phone would be preferable to email. I gave him my phone number in case he wanted to call. His next reply came almost immediately and was twice as long as the first: CALLING NOW!

I grabbed the phone recorder and fumbled with the batteries, barely getting them in before the phone rang. Suddenly, I realized I didn’t really have anything to ask him. I thought I’d have time to prepare questions, and this was obviously now not going to happen. The phone rang three times before I picked up.

Popshifter: Hello?

Cobra Commander: Greetings, Megashaun, if in fact this is you.

Popshifter: Uh. . . yes, it’s me. Cobra Commander?

Cobra Commander: Yes?

(silence)

Cobra Commander: Hello?

Popshifter: Oh, sorry. Hey! How’s it going?

Cobra Commander: It’s going okay I suppose. I forgot my email password. That’s why I didn’t reply for so long. Sorry about that.

Popshifter: No, haha. That’s okay. I figured you were just busy what with running Cobra and all that.

Cobra Commander: Oh, right. Yes, all that. You know you’re the only person who has ever emailed me at this address? Isn’t that weird? You’d think more people would want to talk with me, wouldn’t you?

Popshifter: Really? Yeah that is surprising. That’s obviously not your work email address, right?

Cobra Commander: No, I’m not allowed to give that one out. Actually I instated that policy after Zartan signed up for some sites using his account and everyone in the company started getting spam for Viagra.

Popshifter: (laughs)

Cobra Commander: And penis growth pills! They don’t work, by the way.

Popshifter: (laughs)

Cobra Commander: Not that I would have any need for those.

Popshifter: No, of course not.

Cobra Commander: They don’t call me Cobra Commander for nothing, you know.

Popshifter: Right, right.

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