Ten Songs That Made Your Parents Want To Kill Themselves

6. John Denver, “Sunshine On My Shoulders,” 1974: Here’s another artist who wears a deceptively cheery façade. And you thought he was just all about hiking and eating granola in Yosemite with the Muppets. Ah my friend, you couldn’t be more wrong. Because beneath the thin veneer of sleeveless neon orange down jackets is a man who was clearly one miserable S.O.B.

7. Dave Mason, “We Just Disagree,” 1977: For some reason, despite resembling a Pittsburgh truck-stop bar drunk, this particular Dave Mason song portrays a profound sense of acceptance and resentment of love gone sour. It strikes me as being the perfect song for divorce.

8. Barry Manilow, “Can’t Smile Without You,” 1978: There can be no doubt that the now horribly disfigured Manilow created some of the saddest songs of all time. As you listen to this song, picture yourself watching the Swann Fountain in downtown Philadelphia’s Logan Circle in a dreary afternoon March rain. (A bit of trivia: Philadelphians’ favorite singers are Barry Manilow and Frank Sinatra.)

The Carpenters

9. Robert Johns, “Sad Eyes,” 1979: Give this song a chance. The longer the song goes, the higher his voice gets. Until we’re into glass-shattering territory. After a while you get the feeling that, even though he’s sad, the guy in this song was kind of a dick.

10. The Carpenters, “Rainy Days And Mondays,” 1971: Let’s start off with the fact that the singer of this band killed herself very slowly by not eating. Singing about life’s disappointments while her moronic brother dumbly beats the drums. Talk about sad.

Well, if you’ve really listened to all these songs and haven’t felt anything by now, then you must have no soul. I honestly feel sorry for you.

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