A “Very” Exclusive interview with Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

DP: From your perch up here, how have we changed, in your opinion?

HST: Not one goddamned bit. We were desensitized to begin with. Take the threat awareness scale, for instance. It’s become a car alarm in a parking lot that no one hears anymore. But I don’t worry about all that crap. All that concerns me nowadays is whether Doc Holliday is cheatin’ me at cards and whether or not I have fresh ice for my whiskey.

DP: Do you have any regrets? Anything you would go back and change if you could?

HST: No, not really. I wrote the way I wanted. I lived life at breakneck speed and died on my own terms. I partied with movie stars and hated Nixon with a passion unequaled in all of recorded history. No, no regrets. . . Wait, maybe one.

DP: Well, what was it?

HST: I regret never sleeping with Grace Slick. I really had a crush on her back in San Francisco. (laughter ensues)

After a short break to partake of some “relaxation,” Hunter and I get back to the task.

DP: Personally, I think your best piece of writing is “The Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved” from your collection, The Great Shark Hunt. Do you have a favorite?

HST: Not particularly. Hell’s Angels and Fear and Loathing did make me rich and famous, though.

DP: A lot of good that did you. . .

HST: Hell yes, it did me a lot of good. Those books turned a troublemaker from Louisville, Kentucky into a literary star. They got me good booze, better drugs than you can image, and the company of some fine looking women. If that’s not good, I don’t know what is.

DP: What I meant was—

HST: I know what you meant and I couldn’t care less. You’re talking about the end. I choose to focus on everything in between. It makes life or in my case, the afterlife, much rosier. (Thompson takes off his hat and scratches his shining bald head) Well, you rat bastard, I don’t mean to leave you hangin’, but I’m meeting my attorney and Hemingway for drinks.

DP: One last question. . . Why the Hawaiian shirts and cigarette holder?

HST: (while reaching in his pocket for another Dunhill) Well, why not? Everybody’s gotta have a gimmick.

Author Danny R. Phillips

With those final words still ringing in my ears, I am slammed back into my body and unfortunately, back to reality. Everything is rushing through my head at once. “Did that really happen?” “Was I dreaming” “Did someone put something in my drink? And if so, where can I get more of it?”

If it was a real experience, one thing is for certain. That was the weirdest interview I have done or will ever have the pleasure of doing. I look forward to continuing my discussion with the world’s first and greatest Doctor of Gonzo journalism sometime later.

Hopefully, much, much later.

Editor’s Note: This piece originally appeared in the now-defunct Mule News.

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