Adventures with Metal Mania: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Faster Pussycat: A lot of their stuff is nice and sleazy, and pretty straightforward. They’re not really ugly, nor are they pretty! Many songs are hilarious, and they do rock, but why they’re not on the “Good” list is because they did some slow, wussy songs from time to time, and they covered one of the worst songs ever: “You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon. (Video: “Bathroom Wall”)

Bitch: Now this is one you’ll probably never see on Metal Mania, but their silly S & M lyrics from a caterwauling gal are actually worth a mention.

Dangerous Toys

Dangerous Toys: This is one that I’m lucky enough to catch from time to time, and lyrically, they’re one of the funniest. The video for “Teasin & Pleasin” is a bit uneventful, unfortunately, but with other songs like “Take Me Drunk” and “Sportin’ a Woody,” you can’t help but find that shit amusing!

Europe: Too pretty to be ugly, but totally fucking ridiculous! We all know the keytar from the legendary “The Final Countdown,” and you probably remember the wimpy ballad “Carrie”, but nothing beats “Cherokee.” (Video: “Cherokee”)

Kix: They started off pretty good. . . well, if you like totally corny metal mixed with a tinge of disco. The Cool Kids album is pretty good, but all of the videos are pretty much about as low budget as it gets. The video for “Body Talk” looks like all of the rejects from Fame were rounded up for that! Later on they became just as stupid as everything else in the Bad category. (Video: “Body Talk”)

Pretty Boy Floyd

Pretty Boy Floyd: They were ridiculously glammed out to the point they could pass for chicks! They had some good sleazy songs here and there, though.

Ratt: I can’t leave these losers out! I actually dislike most of their stuff, and they are very overplayed, but the video for “Round and Round” is legendary! How the hell did they get Milton Berle to star in that? Also the song “I Want a Woman” has got to be one of the worst videos they show, but the lyrics are funny. (Video: “Round and Round”)

Shotgun Messiah: I haven’t seen them in ages on Metal Mania, but they were awesome, and they should play them more often. They were pretty ugly, and their songs were really dumb, but their attitude was what caught my attention, not to mention how shrill the lead singer’s voice was! I guess that guy Tim Skold came from this band originally. I think he’s part of Marilyn Manson now, or something. (Video: “Don’t Care ‘Bout Nothin!”)

I think that covers a broad range, and I probably could go on, but that would be wasting too many brain cells thinking about music I could more or less live without.

Additional Resources:

I recommend the reader pick up these items (all available through Amazon.com) if they prefer the Sleazy and Cheezy side of metal.

Hollywood Rocks: The Ultimate Guide to the 1980’s, Hollywood, California Rock-N-Roll Music Scene
by Michael J. Rocchio and Jason Splat

Hollywood Rocks: Audio Companion (four-CD box set)
Various Artists

Hollywood Rocks! DVD Compilation
Various Artists

American Hair Metal
by Steven Blush

Pages: 1 2 3