Crush Encounters of the Pre-Pubescent Kind

Another one: Glenn Tilbrook from Squeeze. Their video for “Black Coffee in Bed” was on heavy rotation in the early 80s and I found Glenn to be such a cutie! A few years later there was another Squeeze video for “Hourglass” and yup, still cute! (Actually, I’d even admit to thinking Jools Holland was rather cute.) I saw Glenn about three years ago in concert with his new band called The Fluffers (and yes, it means what you think it means), but Glenn isn’t really my type anymore, I guess.

I can’t forget to mention Pete Townshend as well. The Who were my older sister’s favorite band (and still are to this day), and she was in love with Roger Daltrey. She said, “I’ll take Roger, and you can have Pete!” For some reason, I didn’t object to that! I think I just liked the fact that I was allowed to tag along with my older sister’s obsessive behaviors! With that said, I have a thing for big noses. . . the angularly superior ones, that is.

Adam Ant in more wonderful times.

I definitely cannot leave out Adam Ant. That guy was. . . I still drool over old photos of him. He sure was fucking “Wonderful.” My sister and I both thought he was the sexiest thing ever. I remember we went to a carnival with one of those booths that gives you three darts for a dollar, so you can throw them at the poster on the wall that you want. If the dart sticks (and doesn’t fall out), you get a copy of that poster. I actually won the Adam Ant poster, but it was displayed in my sister’s room. I think she hung dried roses around the perimeter, even. It was sexy! I remember the ceiling had a leak in it, and it leaked all down the wall that the poster was hung on, and it was destroyed. . . so sad! However, I recently found that very same poster again at a shop in Cleveland called “Big Fun” and promptly bought it. It wasn’t even a reproduction; it was from the original printing in the early 80s.

I have to give an honorable mention to Ian Astbury (of The Cult). I noticed him right before I hit puberty, so the time frame would be roughly 1987. I saw the video for “Firewoman” on heavy rotation (mixed in the midst of shitbags like Trixster and Britney Fox), and Ian had something that these other clowns didn’t: non-offensive hair! He had beautiful, black, shiny, pin-straight locks that visually blew my mind. He was jaw-dropping! My sister and I both had our deer-in-headlights moment when we first saw “Firewoman.” Even my mother walked in and said, “Holy shit! This guy is gorgeous!” Every now and then she’ll ask me if I still listen to that “metal band with the Native American beauty of a singer”. . . and I actually still do. I saw The Cult in concert within the past two years, and I still think they are a great band. Ian is aging decently, as well.

Sweet dreams are made of this.

I should also mention a few other musician crushes I had before the age of ten. . . and Terrence Trent D’arby comes to mind. Holy crap, was he beautiful with those big doe eyes! He probably still is gorgeous, but I haven’t heard anything about him in years. Falco is another. . . I liked how he looked in a tuxedo, and his big cop-issue mirror shades were awesome, too. Something about those sleazy cop shades still rings a few of my bells (but its not a police fetish; it’s more or less that men who wear those have some sort of grasp on my libido).

I can’t wrap this list up without giving an honorable mention to a few women I had crushes on as a child. These weren’t sexual attractions; more or less I was just enthralled by how beautiful I thought they were. Nastassia Kinski is “Prime Gonzola” in this territory! That woman was. . . knuckle-bitingly flawless! I also found Siobhan Fahey of Bananarama (and later on, Shakespear’s Sister) another woman that was ridiculously hot. Annie Lennox, Lily Munster, and Dale Bozzio (Missing Persons) were three others I wanted to look like. . . and I’ll just leave it at that.

Read about more Weird Crushes. . .

Popshifter‘s Secret Garden of Crushes

The Key Word is “Goofy,” by Less Lee Moore

Andrea, Lynda, Margot, and Erin, by Christian Lipski

From Jesus to Micky Dolenz, by Michelle Patterson

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