Crush Encounters of the Pre-Pubescent Kind

By Ann Clarke

We all had crushes as kids. My crushes changed as I aged, mostly because my tastes evolved, or the crushes in question began to look horrible with age. The strange picks I will highlight below, however, only cover the years before puberty.

First and foremost, I will have to start with Dave Davies of The Kinks, Ray’s younger and prettier guitar slinging/unsung brother. I had a very unhealthy obsession with him as a child and what makes this even more strange is that at the time (late 1970s through the latter part of the 80s), The Kinks weren’t particularly popular. They had some minor hits on the radio and a few interesting videos on MTV (all directed by Julien Temple), but during the 80s, it wasn’t cool to be into the Kinks. In fact, it was probably pretty uncool. They were in their early forties around then, and the cute youthful glow they had in the 1960s was long gone.

Dave Davies
Photo © John Finnigan

However, both Dave and Ray were rather handsome during their mid-life crises. Dave was adorable in the 60s and he had a beard in the early 70s that covered his cute face, but when he shaved it off and had a 70s shag, he was to die for. He started the 80s off with a cleaned up shag, but unfortunately went into “mullet land” soon after. (As much as it pains me to say it, mullets were considered to be hot in the 80s.). Up until about 1994, Dave was a stunner, and I can easily say that to this day without question or doubt. However, some people have an expiration date, and when I finally came of legal age to snag Dave, he was over fifty. Such a pity.

Another crush I have to address is “Hawkeye” Pierce from M*A*S*H (Alan Alda). When Alan was young with shiny black hair and those light blue eyes, he was adorable! He also had the sort of distinctive wise-ass voice that I find a bit placating. I wasn’t really a fan of M*A*S*H, but before we had cable my folks watched it, and the only thing I liked about it (other than how funny Klinger looked in a dress), was Hawkeye. He was handsome, witty, and funny: an intoxicating combo.

Actually, I recommend that all of you watch this early film of Alan Alda’s called Mephisto Waltz. In it, he kinda resembles Jarvis Cocker (another crush that formed later on and one that is still going strong). It’s about a music critic (Alda) who knows how to play piano, and who befriends a legendary classical musician who’s near death. The death-ridden musician, however, doesn’t befriend Alda’s character for a good review; instead, he makes a pact with the devil to possess the body of Alda, so he can continue his music career beyond his death (and to continue an incestuous relationship with his daughter, but that’s a whole other subplot). It was one of those creepy 70s horror films like The Omen with the “haze” on the lens. The film also starred Jacqueline Bisset and Curt Juergens.

A few other television crushes I had: Jack Tripper from Three’s Company (John Ritter) and The Fonz from Happy Days (Henry Winkler). What’s even more odd about these two crushes is that apparently the actors were best friends in real life. Jack Tripper was always a hilarious buffoon/ladies man type, but one who was also very caring. . . and The Fonz was just cool. I find neither John Ritter (RIP) nor Henry Winkler attractive to this day (in or out of character), but I will watch anything with them in it (even if it sucks).

From left: Roger Taylor and the rest of Duran Duran

But back to musicians. . . when I was six, my parents got cable and MTV was my babysitter. So with that said, here are a few musicians I have to give props to: Roger Taylor from Duran Duran (aka the drummer). Actually, all of Duran Duran were mouthwatering (well, not Andy Taylor—he was fugly), but Roger was quiet and sexy. I don’t think he ever really participated in interviews as much as the rest, and he had the least offensive hair. I saw Duran Duran in concert two years ago (with the original line-up) and Roger still looks pretty fucking hot!

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