Man, I hope I’m not getting burnt out on found footage films. I can’t seem to find any that are halfway decent these days. Every week I’m faced with one and I just sit there wondering why the hell it feels like I’m watching the same thing over and over again. It seems out of 20 films I see I might find one that’s decent but those aren’t good odds. I’m actually not kidding when I say 20; I’ve watched about 20 found footage films this past month and only found one that I actually liked. The Paranormal Diaries: Clophill is not one of those films.
Today I watched John Holmes’s penis get bitten by a vampire. What did you do today?
In the ‘70s and ‘80s many pornographic filmmakers made pornos with stories. Whether it was action, horror, or comedy, there was usually a genre represented by more story and less sexy time. As a horror enthusiast, I get excited more ways than one when the porno has horror elements and Dracula Sucks has more horror than porno. . . and it is freaking weird.
A couple of years ago my friend Jay handed me a disc with one word on it: Found. He said he saw it at a horror convention and it was something I would love. I watched Found that night and he was right.
When I received Vinegar Syndrome’s recent release of Prisoner Of Paradise I asked myself, “Do I bring The Boozer Reviewer back?” Then I saw it was a big budget X-rated war epic, falling under the Nazisploitation subgenre. . . and it starred John Holmes. I knew then I needed to watch this without any alcohol.
Man, I wish I was intoxicated when I watched this.
There are quite a few films that don’t get much attention these days. Between big-budget blockbusters and higher budget indies, these B-movies just get shoved to the side. There are a few companies sweeping these films up and giving them the time of day and Wild Eye Releasing is one of them.
I’m pretty sure most people would agree that The Thing is one of the best monster flicks out there. Since its release there hasn’t been anything like it. Just a few years ago there was a The Thing prequel that I enjoyed to an extent, but it is flawed and doesn’t even come close to the original. Of course, we get decent monster flicks every now and again but John Carpenter made something very special with The Thing.
Between artwork mishaps and title changes, distributors are getting worse at promotion. I understand their target audience perspective and get the logistics behind it, but that doesn’t change how dumb it is.
In the beginning of the year a film was circulating festivals with the title Nymph. That recently changed once the film was picked up and distributed in the US as Killer Mermaid. Of course the title Killer Mermaid is bland and straight to the point, but the title is the spoiler. I was pissed. While watching the film we are anticipating a mermaid and that’s fine, but it actually isn’t revealed until nearly the end of the film. The fact that it is a mermaid is meant to be the twist, but we are flat out told what it is in the goddamn title and the cover of the DVD.
The vampire movie renaissance, of which Let Me In was the high point and Priest may have been the low point, appeared to be drawing to a close. Then in late 2013, Director Jim Jarmusch (Coffee and Cigarettes) came out with Only Lovers Left Alive. This moody, atmospheric, bohemian tale pleased both critics and fans alike, especially the built-in fanbases of its leads, Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston. However, underneath the dark rock-guitar score, the musings about art, and the familiar vampire lore, there’s something more going on. Only Lovers Left Alive is, at its heart, a movie about marriage.
Cover art for horror films these days can be very misleading. That could be said for every genre but I think horror is the one that stands out the most since it’s the one I’m way more passionate about. The cover of The Midnight Game is one of those covers you most certainly would look past at a rental store or Wal-Mart. It is generic and doesn’t grab you at all, even giving off a little torture porn vibe because it looks like a pentagram is carved into a woman’s back. These types of things make me want to pass but still, I will watch anything. I’ve been misled by covers before and I was definitely misled by this one.