Today in Pop Culture: It’s Britmas, Bitch!

Published on December 2nd, 2015 in: Holidays, Music, Today In Pop Culture |

By Jeffery X Martin

Britney Spears flips the switch to light the Christmas tree at the Linq hotel and casino in Las Vegas.

As Autumn gives way rapidly to Winter, a question enters the seasonal zeitgeist.

Has Britney Spears’ birthday become too commercialized? Are we seeing too much of it, too soon?

Many people complain when they start hearing the Britney carols right after Halloween, suggesting that the Britmas season might be starting faster than the general public is ready for. Others claim there is a “War on Britmas,” and that the non-“B”-lievers have stolen the pure joy of Britmas away from us.

There does some to be increasing pressure to join the festivities. We’ve already gotten three or four Britmas cards here at Popshifter International Headquarters. We haven’t even sent ours out yet! There are so many styles to choose from!

Do we go with Mousketeer Britney? Dad’s Catholic schoolgirl fantasy Britney, with intimations of light BDSM? Bald-headed and crazy Britney? White trash terrible mother Britney?

What can we do, when we love what she does so much, yet have the sneaking suspicion that she may be toxic?

There have been so many Britney phases, so many Brit-terpretations, it feels like we’ve lost the real Britney, and as such, the true spirit of Britmas itself. I think it may be time to sit back and reflect upon the good things that Britney has chosen to bestow upon us. The simple things, the wisdom she has imparted, the reasons we all followed Britney in the first place. After all, it is Britney, bitch.  We long to bathe in the light of her smile. To possibly trip over a wad of her hair in the parking lot of a drive-thru fried chicken joint. To maybe… just maybe… be granted receivership of the fabled Britney Treasure, as was foretold in the Book of K-Fed (Popozau be unto you, my friends).

Yea, these are the things our hearts desire, and all that has been promised to us shall come true.

Happy Birthday to Britney Spears, who has outlived by Jesus by one full year, on this day.

And may the Spirit of Britmas live in our hearts forever.

Leave a Comment

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload the CAPTCHA.