Top Ten News Stories of 2009 That Could Be Songs By Lovecraftian Apocalypse-Mongering Rock Band The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets

By Toren Atkinson of The Darkest Of The Hillside Thickets

10. Song Title: “No Dogs Go To Heaven”
News Headline: Atheists offer to care for Christians’ pets after the Rapture

Photo credit: NASA

9. Song Title: “I Thought They Smelled Bad On the Outside”
News Headline: Don’t Joke About Tauntaun Sleeping Bags: Star Wars Fanatics Get Pissed

8. Song Title: “Curse of the Revenge of the Spawn of the Alien”
News Headline: UFO puzzle: Alien baby or elaborate hoax?

7. Song Title: “The Darkest of the Earthbound Comets”
News Headline: Earth under threat from dark comets

6. Song Title: “Baby Shark Jesus”
News Headline: Shark “Virgin Birth” Confirmed

5. Song Title: “Killbots Are For Killing”
News Headline: Military killer robots ‘could endanger civilians’

4. Song Title: “Caution! Zombies! Ahead!!!”
News Headline: Austin Road Signs Hacked, Warn of Nazi Zombies and World’s End

3. Song Title: “Barry the Giant Seaworm”
News Headline: Barry the giant sea worm discovered by aquarium staff after mysterious attacks on coral reef

2. Song Title: “Wanted: Apocalypse Cult Prophet”
News Headline: Its ‘Mother’ dead, doomsday sect’s future in doubt

1. Song Title: “Rocktopus”
News Headline: Rare fossil octopuses found

BONUS!

Song Title: “The Ten Commandments of the AntiChrist”
News Headline: American Stonehenge: Monumental Instructions for the Post-Apocalypse

Toren Atkinson was featured in Popshifter Issue 012.