Five Things That Truly Terrify Me About Halloween

Posted in Halloween, Horror, Top Five Lists |

By Jesse Roth

5. There are strange phenomena known as “hell houses.”

Earlier this decade, I happened upon several articles and a rather interesting (and frightening) documentary dealing with a relatively recent Halloweentime event. Inspired by both the creative possibilities and horror potential of the haunted house, as well as their own ultraconservative evangelical beliefs, several churches across the southern United States were inviting the public to tour their “hell houses.” For a nominal fee (or sometimes for free), tour goers could navigate an otherwise typical but intricately decorated haunted house that substitutes ghouls and chainsaw assassins for graphic depictions of both biblical and modern “sin” (adultery, abortion, etc.). At the end of this joyride, members of the sponsoring church would invite members to absolve their various sins by committing their lives to Jeebus, and maybe some gratis candy and cider.

Traced back to an Assembly of God church in Texas and popularized by pop culture’s number one “fan,” Reverend Jerry Fallwell, in the 1970s, hell houses are controversial both within and outside the Christian community. The Christians don’t like the focus on conversions over lifelong commitment to their movement, while the rest of us just resent the houses for bastardizing a cherished Halloween tradition and perpetuating the “land of crazy religious zealots” tag the South has earned (and at times cherished) over the years. Haunted Houses are meant to provoke and manipulate your worst fears and your wallet, but the motivations have always ended at that. Patrons are meant to walk away frightened or disappointed by the special effects and acting, not reciting bible verses and regretting all that premarital sex and their brief experimentation with Wicca. By presenting themselves as a typical haunted house, hell houses deceive people with the promise of trivial horror, treating them instead to the joy of religious propaganda. . . and apparently conveniently forgetting all those Bible passages about lying.

4. There are anti-Halloween freaks who will try and ruin your fun with poorly designed brochures.

When I was about eight or nine, my dad decided to take me to our local mall’s Halloween celebration, a fun gathering where kids could dress in their holiday finest and visit each store in the mall for some desperately needed candy satisfaction. I was incredibly excited about the prospects of this evening, as I’d be attending it in addition to my regular Halloween night route around my neighborhood. The prospects of double the candy must have had me a little giddy. After all these years, I can only remember one thing about that night: the Halloween/Satan brochure. Handed out by a nondescript older lady in an even more nondescript store, it came attached to a lollipop that appeared to be some solidified mixture of toxic poisons and grape Robitussin.

Photo from Godless Wonder blog
“Church’s Anti-Halloween Flyer Upsets Family,” WFMY News 2

Already weirded out by the looks and presentation (“A brochure? I can’t eat that!”), I disregarded this portion of my loot until I returned home and showed it to my mom. Displaying some sort of late 1970s design aesthetic and drenched in the ugly browns and oranges representative of that era, the pamphlet was a big ploy to teach kids my age that (1) Halloween was an evil Satanist holiday and (2) I could avoid the temptations and eventual fate of celebrators and other devil worshipers by saying a bunch of prayers and accepting Christ. The whole thing was strange and rather surprising, given that most people who choose to participate actively in the fun of Halloween aren’t the ones bothering to crusade against it as an unholy celebration. Then again, history is littered with tons of folks who take this avenue to get their message (no matter how stupid) across to the masses. (See “Hell Houses” above.)

Ever since that time, I’ve noticed flyers occasionally decorating cars around Halloween, advertising similar messages of anti-Halloween religious insanity. Most of the time I ignore them, but on other occasions, the sight of them makes me angry, wondering why these holy rollers can’t just let kids be kids without worrying about their mortal souls (and potentially ruining some of the greatest moments of their lives).

Pages: 1 2 3