John Hodgman in Atlanta: There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Tuxedo

By Adam McIntyre

“What’s going on here?”
“John Hodgman. It’s a book reading.”
“Never heard of him. What’s he do?”
“Um. . . well, he’s a minor television celebrity.”
“He has a show?”
“Well. . . no. He’s on shows.”
“He’s on a show? Like what?”
“Well have you seen The Daily Show?”
“No.”
“Well he’s reading from his book.”

This dialogue was performed from the wings of the stage while author and Renaissance man John Hodgman approached the podium. None of this dialogue would have been audible to. . . well, everyone in attendance if I hadn’t scared the crap out of John Hodgman, bounding recklessly towards him down an aisle spaced for little people. I recognized the look in his eye as being the same look most people get when approached by a raving, drooling street person. If you don’t know that look, here it is—mouth slightly open, eyes wide and preparing to squint in case of a spittle attack.

Photo © Mai Le

Perhaps John Hodgman was mostly worried about whether or not I was going to spill his coffee. This delayed him enough for an impromptu introduction from two spectators—one fan and one oblivious bystander with a habit of speaking loud enough for everyone to hear everything. I’ll leave it up to the reader to decide whether this was a scripted or unscripted part of the show; it’s precisely the sort of thing that John Hodgman would write about himself, and Mr Hodgman invites incidents like this to be part of his show.

“Good evening, I’m John Hodgman,” he began, and continued, “I’m a minor television celebrity and writer.” He said something to that effect, anyway, and he regaled us with a few anecdotes about what it’s like to be him—to ride first-class and see other celebrities in their natural habitat, and to realize that he’s only a free tuxedo away from becoming one of the masses again. To illustrate the gulf between himself and “the masses” he related a heart-warming tale of riding the old Battlestar Galactica ride at Universal Studios, then later writing about the show, and finally appearing on the new version of the show. Those were the three simple steps towards becoming John Hodgman, minor television celebrity.

I should make it clear at this point that while I stood there at the end of a book aisle with my beard, my coffee, and my arm candy, I was staring at a tuxedo, a bespectacled PC from a Mac commercial, and Chicken Soup for the Horse Lover’s Soul. I was also one of the more normal people in that area of the bookstore. For example, there were cosplayers. “How can you even have cosplayers at a book reading by a minor television celebrity and author?” you might (should) ask. In The Areas of My Expertise, Hodgman’s first book, he published over* 700 hobo names and spent a surprising amount of time disdaining the history of hobo culture. College students dressed as hoboes now picket Hodgman’s public appearances.

There were also a couple of guys in matching white tuxedos apparently calling themselves the “GTGs”—the Georgia Tech Gangstas (or “Gentlemen” as Hodgman offered). They’d apparently been on a morning television show with Hodgman—the more experienced minor television celebrity—earlier in the day. They were recognized and called to the podium to deliver their own white boy rap song, “The Perfect Option.” The hoboes were also invited up to show off their outfits.

A charming and (presumably) unplanned detour resulted from Hodgman explaining that an offhanded mention of Twilight wasn’t meant to insult anyone, and that he had a bit of history as a literary agent. In fact, he related the story of how he was once the literary agent for a man, a hero of his, whose name is synonymous with B-movies and horror fans. . . and elicited looks of rabid recognition or, equally likely, complete and vacant ignorance. Have you heard of him? Does he have movies? Well, he’s in movies—just certain movies, though. Ever heard of The Evil Dead? Evil Dead 2? Army of Darkness aka Medieval Dead? Well. . . he published a book.

After demonstrating a few things you can do with his new book More Information Than You Require (such as not catching it or tearing pages out of it, just as you would a normal book or perhaps a day-by-day calendar), Hodgman actually read an excerpt. It was interesting, poignant, and extremely hilarious. I think I’m legally restricted from telling you more than that. After all, he was a Literary Agent. An AGENT, people! He can dodge bullets and crash through walls and probably make himself invisible. I wouldn’t be surprised if he can tell when you’re lying.

Then the loud inquisitor from earlier in the evening (“What’s he do?”) began to chant, or sing along with his extremely loud headphones, “Barack Obama, Barack Alabama/Barack Obama, Barack Alabama”. Everyone had to stop and look, even John Hodgman, the hoboes, and the GTGs. Then, from his hiding place behind a shelf of books, we heard “Oh, they’re still doing the book reading?” A nod, and laughter. “So as I was saying, Jonathan Coulton [a comedic musician who often tours with John Hodgman] doesn’t hate Atlanta, he just couldn’t be here tonight because it was a long tour and he has a baby at home and frankly, he’s too big to be touring with the likes of me. In fact, he’s so big that during my Q & A sessions, I often answer more questions about him than I do about myself. Now, does anyone have a question that isn’t about Jonathan Coulton?”

It was then that I realized I’d been asked to write about the book reading for Popshifter. A moment later I realized again that I might have invented this detail. In any case, I really felt like I had been asked to write about it, and that’s almost the same thing.

*That is, precisely.

Additional Resources:

Visit John Hodgman’s blog, The Areas Of My Expertise.