Stars Of The Pewter Screen: Trash Movies

By Ann Clarke

I like trashy films. I probably watch more trash films as opposed to movies with actual integrity. Not to say I don’t enjoy some Oscar-worthy entertainment, but I find it much more intriguing to watch the stuff that has no redeeming quality (at face value, anyway).

I am discerning about the trash I’ll watch, though. It’s hard to say what formula a low-brow film needs to be awesome, but these ingredients usually equal a favorable outcome:

1. There must be a inkling of a real movie trying to be made. When there are too many obvious signs the filmmakers are trying to be obnoxious . . . it’s just too predictable. Pretty much every Troma film sucks for that reason alone; they are purposely trying to make a shitty movie.
2. There have to be creatively crude one-liners that you’ll never forget.
3. Unnecessary T & A scenes placed in scenarios that are out of context are always welcome.
4. A hilarious film score or soundtrack.
5. At least one good-looking person in a milieu of a bad wardrobe; the rest of the characters should be fairly ugly, but no matter how gross they are, someone always gets laid.

I also should add I find the type of exploitative shit that involves rape, torture, and murder (and not in that particular order) totally fucking repulsive! Only creeps like that kind of shit! And, as much as I dig Bruce Campbell, he’s not the only B-movie actor! In fact, Evil Dead wasn’t even my gateway drug into the world of trash films. . . that honor goes to an 80s film known as The Stuff, a little film about some sort of yogurt substance that ends up consuming the people from the inside! There are many other trash film faces/names that should be as recognizable as Sir Campbell.

So without further ado. . . here’s a well-deserved Honor Roll of those thespians that were brave enough to take on some of the most demanding and embarrassing roles ever filmed!

Fred “The Hammer” Williamson

Fred is the shit! He’s probably been in more films than Klaus Kinski and Kevin Bacon combined, and most of those he wrote, directed, and produced. He’s always a bad-ass, no matter what side of the law he’s on. . . and no matter who gets involved with him in any film always ends up dead. I feel he’s truly the undisputed king of Blaxploitation cinema, but he also jumped continents and was a regular in many Eurosploitation features (Italian low-budget crime or action films in particular). He always chews a cigar (almost always unlit) and always wears his SuperBowl ring (oh yes. . . he was also on the Oakland Raiders once upon a time). He apparently got the nickname “The Hammer” while playing football because he was known to “Put the hammer on you,” in other words, he knocked the fuck out of his opponents! He also has black belts in Kenpo, Shotokan Karate, and Tae-Kwon-Do. . . and is often using some kind of martial arts move to kick the shit out of whoever gets in his way. I read he also posed in Playgirl sometime in the 70s.

His most notorious films are from the early 70s: Black Caesar, Bucktown, The Hammer, and Boss Nigger. But I gravitate more towards his late 70s work and onward (I particularly like the 80s stuff). More recently, he had a small role in the Starsky and Hutch movie, playing their boss at the precinct. My recommendations: The Messenger, 1990: The Bronx Warriors, The New Gladiators, The New Barbarians, Black Cobra (1-4), Mean Johnny Barrows, Inglorious Bastards, and Vigilante.

WATCH: A 1985 King Cobra commercial with Fred Williamson

Fred Williamson and Marc Gregory
in 1990: The Bronx Warriors

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